All I Want For Christmas Is You
by Graveygraves
Summary: JJ has an important decision to make this year - just who is it she really wants for Christmas? Written as part of the gift exchange on CCOAC. Merry Christmas everyone - enjoy. (Beta'd but views and reviews always appreciated).
1. T'was the night before Christmas

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**This is written for xx-SQ215-xx, as part of the CCOAC Christmas gift exchange. My pairing is JJ/Reid, with the prompts: All I Want For Christmas (lyrics from song quoted), Christmas Crackers, gift exchange and a Christmas tree. Throughout the story I have managed to use them all, though maybe not as expected. I have added the use of Charles Dickens' Christmas Carol ghosts, as the idea fitted with what I wanted to do.**

**xx-SQ215-xx I hope you like this and to anyone else that chooses to read it then the same applies to you too.**

**Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.**

**. . . **

**I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know  
Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is...  
You  
**

**. . .**

Christmas Eve

JJ sat alone in the darkened house, her feet curled up under her as she watched the gentle sparkle of the white lights rippling across her dressed tree. The aroma of the real pine mingling with the spices from the cookies baking in her kitchen - the room was picture perfect.

JJ wiped a solitary tear as it tumbled down her cheek. It was a shame her life wasn't as perfect as the Christmas scene that surrounded her.

Pushing herself off the couch and heading towards the kitchen to remove the cookies and pour herself a glass of wine, JJ couldn't help but straighten Henry's scarlet stocking that hung by the fireplace. The very fireplace that Will had spent days making to their own specific design – how did what they had end like this?

Entering the warm kitchen, the cinnamon smell enveloped her as she padded softly, bare footed, towards the oven. Removing the hot tray she breathed deeply. Relishing the memories she had of Christmas last year – her, Will and Henry as a family. Was she looking back on her life with rose tinted glasses? After all it had never been perfect; Will and she had not had the easiest of starts and then they had Henry. It was all much quicker then JJ had ever planned - though JJ had to wonder if without Henry she would ever have made a commitment to anyone.

As she thought about it she soon realised all the good parts revolved around Henry, and she still had him.

Collecting a cool glass of dry white wine from the fridge JJ returned to the solitude of the lounge, curling up once more on the couch with a book and her thoughts. She had never been more confused in her life, not even when she had found out she was pregnant. She only had until the New Year to make her decision. That was the ultimatum Will had left her with. She had to decide this Christmas who she really wanted.

. . .

Sipping the last of her wine, JJ resisted the urge to stretch. She was warm and cosy just where she was. Glancing one last time at the pile of presents under the tree, she curled up tightly, pulling the throw from the back of couch over her body and closing her eyes, she settled into a restless sleep.

Within what seemed like minutes JJ sat upright, a sudden chill shooting down her spine. Scanning the decorated room she froze as she looked at the familiar pale figure standing by the fireplace.

"Katherine," she whispered hoarsely, her eyes blinking wildly as her mind tried to make sense of what she saw, "It can't be you. . . You're dead."

The figure stepped away from the fireplace, holding the family portrait that had held pride of place on the wooden mantle.

"Jenny," the blonde girl smiled, trying to reassure, "I am surprised you have never seen me before. I love to visit you, but I hate seeing you so sad."

JJ backed away along the couch, her feet tangling in the throw as cushions scattered onto the floor. She had never believed in ghosts. JJ was happy to accept that, even with the sin of suicide over her head, her sister Katherine was in a better place. Yet the idea of her 'visiting' had never crossed her mind.

"Katy, I don't understand . . . I . . ." JJ was stunned.

"It's ok Jenny," Katherine reassured as she sat softly on one end of the couch, "I'm here to help you. I know what has happened. I saw what happened with Will, why does he think that you are in love with Reid?"

JJ bit her lip nervously; with less than a year between them the sisters had been close, until that fateful day that had changed Katherine. From that point on everything had spiralled until Katherine finally took her life. Up to that point they had always been honest with each other and shared everything in the way that teenage girls do.

"Maybe because I do," JJ whispered.

"Do you?" Katherine's eyes widened at the confession, that was easier then she had expected.

JJ just shrugged, showing her confusion, "I honestly don't know, sometimes I think I do then I am not so sure. I love Will, I think. Oh this is such a mess, how am I supposed to know what to do? I don't even know if Spence likes me, not like that anyhow."

Katherine laughed at her sister's last statement, "Really you doubt it with those puppy dog eyes and how he hangs off your every word, come on Sis, really. I'm dead and I can tell he's head over heels in love with you. Maybe you should apply those profiling skills a little closer to home."

"I thought Will was head over heels in love with me, I was obviously wrong there."

"Oh I believe he loves you too, lucky you, two gorgeous men," Katherine smiled, tracing a cold finger over the image she held in her hand. The loving family she would never have as she had made the choice not to continue into a future.

"So what do I do Katy? How do I know which man I should choose?" relaxing slightly.

Katherine shook her head, "I wish it was that easy Sis. If I could I would just give you an answer and all would be good, but when have you ever listened to my advice. Plus you need to decide for yourself."

JJ blushed, knowing her sister was right, she tended to listen then do the opposite, no matter how much trouble it got her into. JJ had always thought she had been the rebellious one back then.

"So, why are you here, if it's not to help me?"

"To warn you," Katherine met her sister's pleading eyes once more, "Through the night you will have three visitors, each will share something with you, which will hopefully help you with the decision you need to make."

"Sorry, I don't understand, I thought you were here to help me," JJ pleaded as she watched her sister return the silver framed photo to its place on the mantel, between the two large white candles.

Katherine turned back to her sister, "As I said before, when do you ever listen to me?" as she spoke the words she walked forward into the dying glow of embers of the fire, leaving JJ alone once more.

JJ sat in the dark room, staring, unable to believe what had just happened. It had to be a dream. She stood slowly, stretching and rubbing her eyes, before she tidied away and moved upstairs - hoping for a better night once in her own bed.


	2. Christmas Past

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**This story is very heavily JJ to start - I hope you don't mind.  
**

. . .

JJ tossed from one side to the other, pulling the blankets up under her chin in the hope to mask the cold that had crept over her. Screwing her eyes tightly shut, she was determined to remain asleep – or at least fake it. With an over excited four year to contend with tomorrow JJ knew she would need every ounce of energy she could muster.

Turning once more, her barely open eyes were drawn to a light coming from the corner of her room. Sitting bolt upright JJ stared at the young blonde girl standing silently. Suddenly her sisters words of warning came back to haunt her. _Was this one of the 'visitors' she had told her about?_

"Hi honey," JJ tried to break the tension and fear that was growing within her.

The little girl's hand rose, a solitary finger beckoning JJ towards her.

"What's up Sweetie?" JJ tried again, unnerved by the pale silent figure.

"Come, please, come," the little girl spoke holding out her hand for JJ.

JJ shook her head. "I can't, I have a little boy to look after and you should be . . ." JJ paused, where should she be? At home, safe, with her own family? Tucked up in bed dreaming of what Santa may bring? It was obvious the girl was another ghost, even if she was only eight or nine years old. That thought alone broke JJ's heart.

Throwing back the mass of sheets and blankets, JJ got out of bed and headed towards the luminous spirit.

"What's your name?"

"Juliette."

"Well, Juliette, where are you taking me?"

The little girl smiled. "Christmas past," with which she said no more and took JJ's hand and pulled gently, guiding her towards the door.

Stepping through they we not on the landing as JJ had expected but in the lounge of her home, back in East Allegheny, Pennsylvania. She drew a deep breath as she watched in silence as her sister came running into the room, then watched as she followed. She had forgotten how alike to the two them had been as children, well to look at anyway. Personality wise they had always been chalk and cheese. In fact that had been their father's joint nick name for them. She smiled as she reminded him hollering up the stairs at meals times 'Chalk, Cheese, Dinner.' They never did work out which of them was which.

"Don't worry," Juliette spoke softly, "they can't see or hear us." The little girl squeezed JJ's hand as she felt the older woman pull back slightly from the scene. "Your Christmas past: a perfect family Christmas that you constantly strive for and are terrified that you will fail with this year."

JJ knew the Juliette was right, wisdom far beyond her years, she was dreading tomorrow. All she had wanted to do each year for Henry was to recreate the magic she had shared with her family as a child. Her Mom and Dad had pulled out all the stops for them, the house looked gorgeous, the tree was sparkling and underneath was a bundle of brightly coloured gift. Gifts that the two girls were now rummaging through in excited glee.

"_Now, now girls," came her Mom's voice as she entered from the kitchen, where she had been busy getting things ready for breakfast. "Nothing gets opened until your father gets down here."_

"_Aw," the sisters chorused as they sat back on their heels, pouting in unison. _

"Is it as you remember it?" Juliette asked, looking up at JJ who stood still beside her.

JJ nodded silently, each of the little rituals of the day etched in her memory. Mom was always first up, and it wasn't until she became a Mom herself she realised the effort that her mother had put into the morning breakfast. There were freshly made pancakes, bacon and syrup or cream and fruit, juice and coffee, all out on the table for everyone to help themselves. And they did, breakfast seemed to last forever when they were itching to get back to opening presents. They were both allowed to pick one present to open before breakfast commenced.

A tradition she had kept with Henry, much to Will's annoyance. He would have been more than happy to let the little boy rip through the lot, creating multicoloured paper carnage along the way. However he had come round by the end of last year as he had sat back and watched his son enjoy each of the gifts as he opened them, playing and exploring not only the gift but any boxes and bows that came with them. By the end of Christmas day Henry was more decorated then the tree he sat by.

"_I wanna open this one," JJ heard herself call out as she watched the younger version of herself pull out a rectangular box shaped gift wrapped in deep green foil paper._

"_I'm gonna open this one," Katy held aloft a narrower gift._

"_Well, in that case you had better get started before Mom calls us to the table," came her father's voice from the doorway as he entered and made his way over to his wife, kissing her gently on the cheek before he smiled down at his girls with pride._

_Not needing a second prompt, the sound of ripping paper filled the room, followed by squeals of delight as the sister realised they had the perfect gifts there in their hands._

"_Thanks," they squealed as they ran over to hug their parents._

"_We thought such talents girls needed the appropriate equipment to develop to their full potential," Dad said with a smile._

"My first pair of soccer boots," JJ whispered. "Up until then I had just played in my sneakers, but coach had told Dad if I was to continue into the team I was to need proper boots. So that's what I got."

"And Katy?" Juliette asked.

"Her flute. She had previously had one on loan but had passed her first exam and Mom and Dad got her her own flute. They really encouraged us to do the best at whatever we set our minds on. Katy was such a talented musician and would practice for hours on end. I, however, haven't got a musical bone in my body."

"But you could amaze people in the pitch!" Juliette reminded.

"Yeah, yes I could," JJ said with some pride. Thinking of her own son and how co-ordinated he was. Already she tried to encourage his interests without imposing her own on him. She wanted him to enjoy sport, or anything else he chose without feeling pressured into because it was something she or Will wanted. JJ knew she was lucky, not only was Henry an active child but he was creative and inquisitive too. She knew she was biased but he really could be anything he wanted to be in the future.

Juliette tugged on JJ's pyjama sleeve as they watched the chattering family make their way through to the kitchen.

"Time to go."

JJ shook her head, wanting to stay her in the warmth of her happy family.

Taking no notice Juliette walked backwards, pulled JJ with her, immediately they were back in JJ's bedroom.

"Goodnight, JJ," Juliette whispered. "And don't forget I am the first of three visitors you will have tonight."

JJ stood, stunned, in the darkness of her room once more, staring at the blank corner where Juliette had once stood.


	3. Christmas Present

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

. . .

JJ sat up, cross legged, on her bed, her oversized Redskins hoodie over the top of her PJs. She sat and stared, waiting for the next apparition to arrive. Wrapping her arms around herself, she tucked her fingers into the sleeves of her hoodie. Even with the heating turned up and the random pair of Will's woolly socks she had found, she was cold. Moving her head and staring towards the silvery moon as it shone outside, JJ sighed.

"Is it that bad?"

JJ jumped at the sound of the unexpected male voice in her room. Looking at the figure of the man sat beside her bed, she shook her head.

"Are you ready to come with me JJ? Ready to see your life as it is now – Christmas Present."

JJ nodded slowly, inching herself off the security of her own bed.

"Good, I'm Matthew, the ghost of Christmas Present, and I am not responsible for what I am about to show you, please remember that."

JJ nodded again, now concerned by what she was about to see.

Matthew took her hand a smiled as he led her towards the door. This time it led to her kitchen. She was stood there hunched over the counter. JJ was quick to notice Will leaning against the opposite surface.

"Is it the same as before?" JJ asked, "We can't be seen or heard."

Matthew nodded as he hitched himself up onto the counter they were stood by, ready to watch the show.

"_I can't do this Will…not now," JJ hissed, her back to him. "We promised, not today, for Henry's sake, we would not try a deal with this today."_

_Spinning round JJ faced him, anger etched across her features._

"_Yeah, well that was before you gave him a little kiss under the mistletoe at Hotch's. I agreed to go to the gift exchange this afternoon to keep the peace, not put up with public displays of affection between you and him."_

_JJ rolled her eye. "I kissed Morgan, Rossi, and Hotch, too - all of the, Spence included, on the cheek. Are you going to accuse me of sleeping with the whole team?"_

_Will shrugged. "You didn't kiss me when I walked past."_

_JJ's mouth opened and closed, unable to find the words. Her hands dropped to her side with a slap as she paced the short distance across the kitchen. "Is that what this is about?" she growled as she stood in front of Will, "Petty jealousy?"_

"_Jay, you're my wife," Will reached out towards her, but fearing actually touching her, "don't I deserve to be treated as your husband? Unless you have already made your mind up. In which case I deserve to know."_

_JJ shook her head, her blonde hair masking her features as she tried to remain calm, reminding herself that their son was in the next room. "Look I'm sorry, I didn't realise I had offended you. It's just I don't know where I stand with you. I don't understand all this."_

"_I just want you to be happy, Mon Chere, it's all I've ever wanted for you. I love you, Jay, but I can't make you love me."_

JJ blinked back the tears as she watched. How could she be doing this to him? If she really loved Will then she had to let him know, but how could she do that when she didn't know herself?

She felt Matthew's hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. "You okay?"

"Yes," she sobbed. "No, can we go now please."

"Sorry, not yet; you need to see the rest first. It might not feel like it now, but it will help."

_JJ stumbled a step or two back from Will, shaking her head, it was obvious she was confused._

"_It's obvious you need more time, but I do want to know by the end of the year; I think that is only fair, don't you?" Will continued. "Don't worry about hurting me; I'll survive if I know you and Henry are happy. And if I can't make you happy any longer, then its best you find someone who can before this starts to affect Henry."_

_JJ gasped softly at Will's honesty. It was obvious the man's heart was shattering in front of her and she was causing it. Slowly tracing her steps back across the bright kitchen she found support in the strong granite surface behind her back. Holding on for dear life, and some sense of composure, JJ breathed deeply. The bright light of the kitchen making their situation so stark and real, what had they done?_

"_Jay, please don't look at me like that, I don't blame you, so please don't blame me."_

_JJ shook her head once more. "I'm not blaming you," she sobbed. "Please don't think that I blame you. I . . . I . . . I just don't know where to start with all of this. I don't want to hurt you, Will, but I can tell that it is already too late. The damage has been done, you know longer trust me."_

_Will move swiftly across the room, encasing JJ in a hug, stroking her silky hair._

"_Mommy . . . Daddy," Henry called as he entered looking for his parents. "Family hug," he squealed as he flung himself towards the pair. Will scooped him up, bringing him into the bundle. Together all three held tight to others._

"I've seen enough," JJ cried, tears streaking her face as she watched the scene unveil before her. "Please take me home."

Matthew nodded, dropping down from the counter top he had perched on earlier. "Cute kid, by the way," he said as he took JJ's hand and led her back to the safety of her own bedroom.

Once inside the dark room she flopped down onto the bed, pulling the pillow to her body and sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't hear the final words Matthew muttered before he left. She was too absorbed in what she had seen. How could she get up tomorrow morning knowing the day was going to end like that? What happened to her perfect Christmas? The one she has worked so hard to create.


	4. Christmas Future

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**I am sorry for the delay but shartly after posring the last chapter I gave birth to my daughter and have been a liitle busy since. So to make up for it I will post two chapters todday.  
**

. . .

JJ's whole body shook as the sobs ran though her. How had she ever got into this mess? Silently she prayed that the final ghost stayed well away, she wasn't sure she could handle another visit, not after what she had just seen. Part of her wanted to grab the phone and call Will now, wanting to sort it out before tomorrow came. However glancing at the neon digits of the clock she realised at near midnight it might not be the best time to talk rationally.

Hugging the pillow tightly she snuggled down, desperately trying to get some sleep. She was exhausted. However it was to no avail as she felt the now familiar breeze kiss her skin. Turning to face the intrusion she saw a large older man stood by the door. His bald head shone, as did the rest of him.

"I think you know what we need to do," his gruff voice seemed loud in the silence of the night.

JJ nodded, wearily lifting herself from her bed and plodding towards the broad figure.

"I'm Paul," he explained, "the ghost of Christmas future."

JJ's heavy eyes flickered as she tried to concentrate on what he was saying as he led her once more towards the door and into another scene. This time JJ arrived in a lounge. It was not a room that was familiar to her. The house was much older than her current home. The dark leather furniture was positioned around a cosy looking log fire. A huge tree stood dressed in the corner, decorated with bright white lights, red ribbons and gold Christmas crackers. All very tasteful and traditional, the sort of tree that JJ adored, and not that dissimilar to hers.

JJ glanced round, taking in the shelves of books that took up two walls of the room. The thick old volumes reminded her of Reid and his 'library' at his apartment. But this definitely wasn't his apartment. This was much larger, a family home.

"Like what you see?" Paul asked roughly as he leant back against the wall.

JJ nodded and smiled, even though she was a stranger in the home she felt comfortable, as if she belonged here, wherever here was.

"Where are we?" she asked.

Paul winked, "Wait and you will see."

JJ narrowed her eyes, suspicious of his answer. However she was soon distracted by the sound coming from the doorway. Instantly she recognised the voice.

"_All I'm saying JJ is it is perfectly natural for someone of his age to want to spend part of Christmas with his girlfriend," Spencer spoke in his common sense tone as he entered the room. _

"_Yeah, but we see so little of him now, and I bet you never spent part of your Christmas day with a girlfriend at his age," JJ's own voice replied._

"_That would be because I didn't have a girlfriend at his age," Spencer countered. "However, it didn't mean I spent Christmas with Mom either, as I remember at that age I was on a case with the BAU - as were you."_

"_And as we know I can't argue with that, due to your eidetic memory," JJ teased as she flopped down on the couch. _

_Spencer leant over the back of the couch wrapping his arms around her. "Face it, JJ, your little boy is not a little boy anymore. Besides, I think you will be happy with his reason for wanting to spend time with Grace."_

_JJ spun around to face Spence. "What do you know?"_

"_Oh no. Look, what Will told me is a surprise, and I'm not to say anything. I need to check that Helena has settled down, she was still reading when I last went past but she haad stopped crying."_

"_Spencer, don't think you are saying that and then walking away, you come back here now," she said to the retreating form._

JJ was confused. Did the house belong to her and Spencer? Who were Grace and Helena? Was this really her future? She looked at Paul for an explanation.

"Oh no," he shook his head, "I don't do anything other than show you. You decide your own future not me. This is just a possibility and in the words of Gandhi, 'the future depends on what you do today." Without another word, he pulled JJ back with him, into her bedroom.

"So what, that's it?" JJ questioned.

"What did you expect, Sweetheart, all the answers handed to you on a platter?"

She sighed, it would have been nice.

"We all make our own choices in life; I thought you would have known that with your sister. We choose our own future. Katherine made a choice when she decided she couldn't face a future. Now you need to make a decision that will shape your future. But you choose – not us."

Paul turned and walked back out of the door, leaving JJ standing staring at the blank space in front of her. Turning and trudging over to the window, she pulled the curtains closed once more and made her way towards her bed. One minute to midnight, one minute to Christmas day, as she watched the digits morph into a new day, JJ realised that her future really did depend on what she did today.

Curled up under the covers her mind raced. Who would she choose? Her and Will had the fairytale romance in so many people's eyes, but now that was broken and crumpled. Could they rescue it? Was this survivable? Would Will ever trust her again? Everything that twelve months ago seemed so secure was now in tatters and she wasn't sure she could fix it. Right now she didn't know if she wanted to fix it.

Then there was Spencer. They had always been so close. JJ had known he had had a crush on her for years when she first joined the team, but she had assumed that had faded with time. Though deep down she knew her interest in him had remained strong. JJ had spent the time she had known Spencer convincing herself that it was a sibling like relationship, but what if she had been fooling herself all this time? After all she had know she couldn't get close to Spencer, it broke too many rules. But now what was more important – her life or the rules that governed their job?

Closing her tired eyes, JJ drifted off to sleep; her dreams full of her possible future depending on her decision today.


	5. Christmas day - decision made

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Sorry I realise for a JJ/Reid this has been a very one-sided story but I could do a just make Will disappear story. Hope you don't mind but I promise Reid arrives in this chapter and you will see more of him in the next few chapters.**

**Thank you for the reviews, sorry I haven't replied personally as I usually do, but life with baby Hannah is a little hectic to say the least. However I would like to say now that the support is appreciated.  
**

. . .

JJ stretched in preparation for the imminent arrival of her son. She had been awoken by the sound of him charging down hall way to her room. She was surprised how well rested she felt considering the horrendous night she had been through.

"Mommy, it's Christmas" Henry gabbled as he ran into her room and bounced onto her bed. "Can I get up a see if Santa's been?"

JJ smiled down at him as she ruffled the mop of blonde hair framing her son's excited face. "Looks like you are already up, Buddy."

Henry's wide smile matched his Mom's. "So, can we go downstairs?"

JJ nodded, throwing back the thick covers once Henry had dismounted the bed. With her hoodie and thick socks still on from the night before, JJ was quick to follow her son as he led the way downstairs. By the time JJ had caught up, Henry was kneeling by the tree, his eyes wide as he scanned the piles of brightly coloured parcels.

Henry turned as he heard his Mom enter the room. "WOW" he mouthed. The joy was literally written across his face, which suddenly switched to confusion. "Where's Daddy? Is he at work again?"

JJ faltered for a moment, making her way to the couch. In all the haste of them reacting to each other, they hadn't really thought about how they explained it all to Henry. JJ patted the space on the soft cushions next to her, indicating Henry should join her. Wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close, JJ knew this was not the time to come clean, beside this needed to be something they approached together.

"He'll be home soon, Honey," JJ soothed as hugged her son tightly. "Why don't you have a look through and decide which one you want to open when he gets here." JJ flicked back his long fringe and kissed Henry on the forehead before he got down and made his way back towards the tree. As he did they heard the turning of a key in the front door. "See, I told you he'd be here soon."

JJ stood and walked rapidly towards her husband, cutting him off before he entered the lounge.

"Hey," she smiled as he shrugged off his thick coat and bent to unfasten his snowy boots. "I want us to have some time to talk later, are you okay to stay after Henry has gone to bed?"

"Sounds serious," he drawled flatly, without meeting her eyes.

"It is, but right now our son comes first, please remember that."

"As if would forget? At least we can agree on something, today is about Henry."

"Thanks," JJ smiled at Will, as Henry came through to find his parents.

"Come on," he tugged on his mom's hoodie hem.

JJ and Will both smiled as they followed their son through to the lounge to open his first present before breakfast.

. . .

Everyone had arrived at Hotch's for the afternoon's gift exchange and general team gathering. For once, the whole team was present - due to the fact they had been on duty right up to Christmas Eve - and not fitted the get together in on a weekend before Christmas itself. Most planned trips home for the New Year to make up for it.

JJ sat with Jack and Henry on the floor in the lounge with her back up against the couch watching the two boys play with one of the games Henry had received. JJ loved the way Jack was like a patient big brother with the little boy, showing him how to play the new game and turning a blind eye to the mistakes he made. Hotch deserved to be proud of his son.

"There you are, missy," Garcia called as she found her best friend hiding in the lounge and flopped down beside JJ on the floor. "What you doing hiding out in here?"

JJ considered giving the honest answer, that she was doing everything humanly possible to avoid the mistletoe and an argument with Will like she had witnessed last night. Or that she was trying to stay out of Spencer's way while she tried to work out what she wanted to say to him. Or that her ability to play happy families with Will was waning under the scrutiny of a room full of profilers. Instead she just shrugged.

"JayJe, I may not be a profiler, but I know avoidance of something when I see it. So, if I have spotted it, I would assume a few others have," she said with a flick of her bouncy blond curls back in the direction of the general gathering in the other room.

"I don't know, I guess we have just seemed to work so hard recently that I have missed my mommy time with Henry. Life has got in the way and I have always promised myself that he comes first. Besides I'm driving, and it's not the same without a drink."

Penelope slung and arm around her friend and hugged her close. "Oh, Sweetie, he knows you love him, adore him even. I had no idea you were feeling so down."

JJ smiled, enjoying the warmth of her friend, until they both jumped at the sound of the bang of a cracker going off in another room, proof that the party was continuing without them.

"Come on JJ, you're missing the party. Let's leave the boys to play and go and have a moment of adult fun," Penelope stood, adjusting her red sparkly Christmas pullover, and offering JJ a hand.

As JJ turned towards the doorway and considered joining the other adults, she caught sight of Spencer watching her as he sipped his glass of cranberry juice. Their eyes met and she knew he was worried about her. She knew he could tell that something was going on; after all he had openly asked her this week at work what was wrong. JJ felt a little guilty for not telling him, after all Spencer was implemented in this.

"You know what, Pen, I'm going to stay here with the boys."

"Suit yourself, but when you want to play with the grown-ups, you know you are more than welcome."

As Pen made her way back through to the others JJ watched, though no longer focusing on her friend but on Spencer who was still watching her. His eyes pleaded with her to let him know what was going on, dipping her head JJ shook it softly, hoping he understood that now was not the time.

However she was certain he would know all and very soon. She would tell him that all she wanted for Christmas was him – she wanted Spencer Reid. Decision made.


	6. Christmas Night - the chat

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Sorry my Beta and I are running out of time - all the mistakes in this chapter are mine.  
**

. . .

JJ made her way back through to the lounge with the two steaming mugs of coffee. She placed one in front of Will on the dark coffee table, preferring to hug her own to her chest as she curled up on the far end of the couch. Tentively sipping the scalding liquid she was aware of Will's eyes settling on her.

She had been the one to ask him to stay and talk, but now, faced with the reality of the two of them alone words seemed to allude her.

"JJ, I . . . " Will paused, not sure what he was planning on saying, he was fed up of the arguments and just wanted to be able to talk like adults for a change, "I've guessed what you want to tell me and it's ok, honest. I know."

JJ raised her eyes, looking through the puffs of steam, catching his soft gaze. "I'm sorry," she murmured over the mug, "I don't want to hurt you Will. I have loved you."

"But you don't anymore," Will finished for her.

JJ let out a long sigh, feeling the weight on her shoulders, "You make it sound so clear cut, but it's not. I do love you, just not as I once did, or how I think I did at least. Do you hate me for that?"

"Jay, I could never hate you. You have given me so much; you are the mother of my son, who I love very much. And, no matter what, I love you," Will stopped as he saw the guilt wash over her face, twisting her beautiful features, "But I have to agree with you. We have both changed; we are older, stronger, and wiser. Jay we have ridden the most amazing rollercoaster ride since we met. But I think it is time we got off."

JJ smiled, she could tell that every word he spoke was hurting him, she knew that as she was finding this hard, so was he – if not more so then her. She knew she had a future to look forward to; she had been given the gift of seeing what could be to come. Will, he was about to be left in limbo as he worked out how he moved on.

Placing her coffee on the table, she looked up at Will. Biting her lip nervously, she smiled weakly. "Would you mind staying here while I pop out? There is someone else I need to speak to."

Will nodded his head, not needing further explanation; he knew where she was going.

. . .

JJ hovered outside the apartment block. Shuffling from one boot clad foot to the other, she tried to pretend in was to ward off the cold from the impending snow storm, but honestly she was more than aware that she was about to take one of the biggest risks of her life. There was no rewind button on real life, she had to be sure.

Watching as her finger reached out to press the button, she blew on her freezing digits as she waited for an answer.

"Hello," an uncertain voice came through the intercom. JJ had to smile; it wasn't as he was expecting her.

"Spence, its JJ. Can I come up?"

"JJ, is everything ok? Urm I mean come straight up," and she heard the buzz as he allowed her entrance to the complex.

Making her way up the drafty corridors, JJ was quickly at Spence's door. He was stood there, concern etched across his face as he waited for her. She felt bad for making him worry, even if it was only for the moments it had taken her to ascend the three stories to his apartment.

"Don't look so worried, Dr Reid," JJ spoke, trying to lift the tension as she unwrapped her scarf from her neck and entered.

"To be honest JJ it's hard not to when you turn up here, unexpected, late on Christmas evening. What's wrong?"

Unzipping her coat casually, as she had done hundreds of times before, JJ was not willing to rush what she had come to say. Instead she led the way down the narrow hall in the centre of his apartment and peeled off to the left and into his kitchen.

She had smelt the coffee as soon as she had entered, Spence's apartment always smelt of coffee, but this was fresh and strong. Without a second thought she poured a mug for herself, wanting the reassuring warmth in her numb fingers.

Spencer hovered by the door, watching her make herself at home, still oblivious as to the reason for the late night visit. He had been concerned earlier in the day when she had withdrawn herself from the group at the gift exchange, but Garcia had tried to reassure everyone by waffling something about missing out on quality time with Henry. Though at the time it seemed reasonable, now he knew there was more to it.

"Do you want another one?" JJ asked, breaking the genius from his thoughts.

He nodded; to be honest he had literally just made the pot and hadn't had one yet himself. He stood still as she continued to busy herself prepping his beverage too.

Once they were both ready JJ indicated they should head towards the lounge. Spence dutifully followed, letting JJ settle herself in the corner of the couch before he took a seat opposite her in his rather large leather armchair.

JJ sipped at her coffee, allowing the warmth to penetrate through her fingers and radiate around her body. Slowly she let her gaze drift up to meet Spence's. She was aware he hadn't taken his eyes off her since she had entered his home. She was also aware that he had not pushed her for an explanation of her unscheduled visit.

"I, urm . . ." suddenly the conversation she had rehearsed on the way over jumbled in her head, "Spence I owe you an explanation and then I want to ask you something. I don't expect an answer tonight, not even this week, but I want you to consider what I have to say very seriously."

Spencer gulped as the seriousness of her words sunk in, and then he slowly nodded, his eyes dropping as he could no longer meet her intense gaze.

"Will and I are separating," she began, putting into words what had been happening made it all seem so definite, "We . . . we have come to realise that it just isn't working."

"I'm sorry," Spence mumbled from behind his coffee cup.

JJ nodded an acceptance of his words, before taking a deep breath, "To be honest the problem is that I am in love with another man."

Spence nearly choked at her confession. As if being told that JJ and Will were to separate wasn't surprise enough then this was beyond all imagination. Wide-eyed he looked up at her.

"Will realised it before I did. Maybe because I have spent years trying to hide it from everyone else, I had finally managed to hide the truth from myself. Spencer, I . . ." JJ paused on the brink of telling him what she had come here to say, this was the moment that could make or break their friendship. As she hesitated the image of Christmas future fluttered through her mind, was that all a dream or was it just possible it was what their future held?

"Spencer, I am in love with you."

The silence was only broken by the sound of the mug hitting the solid wooden coffee table as it slid from Spencer's grasp. Even as the scolding liquid seeped through his pants to his leg, he didn't notice that drink had gone. Instead Spencer was too absorbed in the rush of information to his brain. Frantically trying to process it all, he stumbled over the revelation. When he finally looked up JJ was on her knees in front of him, trying to limit the damage from the dropped cup.

"I'm sorry," she kept muttering over and over, as she picked up pieces of broken china and dabbed at the stain on the carpet.

Spencer reached down, taking her hands in his as he drew her attention back to him. He didn't know what he was supposed to say or do now; there was no book he had ever read that could prepare him for this.

"I'm sorry," she repeated once more, "It was unfair of me to come here and expect you to understand. Please forget what I have said."

JJ pulled back from his grasp as she made to stand, however his firm grip kept her there with him.

"JJ, I don't know what to say. I need to think. This is such a shock."

JJ nodded; what had she expected him to pull her into his arms and whisk her away to happily ever after?

This time as she went to stand, he let her go. JJ made her way through to the hall, gathering her things and assembling herself to face the bitter cold. As she made her way towards the door she became aware of someone behind her, turning slowly she came face to face with Spencer.

She gave a brief nervously smile, before looking at the floor and biting her lip; "It's ironic isn't it? All I have ever wanted for Christmas is you, and now I may have ruined that forever."

Spencer shook his head as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear; "You haven't ruined anything JJ, I just need some time."

JJ nodded and left. Downstairs she stepped out into the large flurry of snow that was already settling on the frozen ground. The weather conditions giving her the perfect reason to slowly make her way home.


	7. Christmas Night - Thoughts

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**So this chapter wasn't going to happen, but I decided you deserved a little more Reid before I went to the epilogue.**

**As I promised this would be up before Christmas you will get both chapters posted today as i don't want my gift to be late and can't promise I will post the epilogue tomorrow.  
**

. . .

Spencer was shuffling uncomfortably on the couch as he tried to find a suitable position to continue his slumber. His mind was drifting in and out of scenarios as it tried to process the flood of information it had received this evening.

His vivid memory flashed back to Will and JJ at Hotch's and how they showed no sign of the separation she had declared they were going through. There was no arguments or snide comments as he had remembered when his parents had split. He remember how they had got to the stage where they couldn't even agree what day of the week it was, let alone anything else. Instead Will and JJ had been calm, though as he replayed the scenes it became increasingly obvious how distant they were. That made him begin to think how long this had been the case. Tracing back through the archive of his mind he tried to pinpoint the time that the distance he had observed today had first kicked in.

He couldn't.

From those points in the past his mind raced back to tonight. How he had wanted to lean down and kiss JJ when she had knelt before him apologising for loving him. Loving him, Spencer Reid – it almost made him laugh out loud in his sleep. The years he had spent watching from afar as she had built the perfect family with her prince charming. Only to know now that all the time he had hidden his feelings for her, and she had done the same for him. Had she really meant that? Had she really loved him all this time? He knew she had cared but he had always assumed it was in the way siblings cared for each other.

From there his mind jumped to Henry, how would the little boy be about all of this? Spencer had become so bitter towards his own father for leaving and he had to guess that at present Henry was oblivious to his parents' decision. Would Henry accept Spencer as a replacement to Will? Would he be replacing Will or just be an addition to the family? Spencer had to admit he couldn't imagine Will just walking away and leaving Spencer to slot into his son's life.

Could they make this work? The three of them, could they find a way for Henry's sake?

Eventually he let his mind drift to the future, images of him, JJ and Henry and maybe, just maybe, a child of their own. He pictured museum trips, soccer practice, even Christmas together. Was Spencer ready to be part of a family? Was he capable of being part of a family? He hardly had a perfect childhood model to work from. In fact his own childhood was the polar opposite of perfection.

Then there was the constant threat hanging over his head of schizophrenia. Although he was emerging from the 'typical' period for the disease to manifest itself he was aware that he was not out of the woods for a good few years yet. Could he risk introducing that to JJ and Henry's life, let alone passing that sentence on to a child of his own.

Tossing and turning as he continued to dream, the flurry of thoughts morphing his features as he tried to wrestle which each concern in turn.

Watching from the same armchair he had sat in earlier, Katherine worried about the young genius. She knew she shouldn't even be here, let alone interfere, but when she had seen JJ leave to come and talk to Spencer she had had to follow. The only difference was that she hadn't returned home with her sister.

Now Katherine was torn, guiding Spencer was not her responsibility. It was not her call to make. He had his own guardian angel. Though she made a mental note to kick Riley up the arse when she returned upstairs, she knew the kid was young but he had been doing this for a long time now. Yes the pair had many a rough ride over the years but surly he could be here now giving a helping hand in Spencer's thought process.

Sat watching the pain contort Spencer's features once more she move smoothly to position herself beside him, placing a gentle hand onto his head instantly soothing the overactive mind. Shushing and cooing, as you would a newborn child, she stayed by his side until peace returned to his sleep. Closing her eyes she channelled her energies, trying to reassure him that this was the right thing to do. That JJ and he deserved a future together.

And there she stayed, comforting the young man through the remains of the night.

. . .

JJ stood in the empty park, freezing cold yet unable to move. If Spencer was here right now he would probably give her some lecture about the probably of catching pneumonia or hyperthermia or something.

Yet she felt at peace in the serene blanketed area, slowly walking on from staring at the frozen lake, JJ watched each footprint imbed itself in the shin deep snow. She hadn't been ready to go straight home so instead she had come for a walk. Maybe not her wisest decision given the weather conditions, but the snow had made it all the more peaceful.

Collecting her thoughts she made her way back to the car, blissfully unaware of how long she had been standing around. Once inside and the engine started she cranked up the heating and begun to make her way home. Satisfied that whatever Spencer's decision was that she was ready to move forward. She knew Will would not abandon her and Henry and that with his support she was strong enough to carry on.

Just having Spencer make the journey with her would be a true bonus.


	8. Christmas to come

**All I Want For Christmas Is You**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas.**

**Sorry to be mean – but I have jumped forward with the epilogue (approx 20 years – to the Christmas future JJ saw). I hope you will understand why.**

. . .

JJ had been busy all morning getting the last of the presents wrapped and under the tree, prepping as much of tomorrows dinner ahead of time as she could and all the other bits that had become part of her Christmas Eve routine. As she wandered through the house to find her husband she picked up random things and returned them to their correct places, "Who would have thought that teenagers could be equally as messy as toddlers," she mumbled to herself.

"What was that?" Spencer called as he heard his wife approaching.

"Nothing, dear," she smiled before entering the office she had heard his voice coming from. As she did she couldn't help but notice as he rapidly scurried away the items in front of him, "Sorry have I interrupted something?"

"Urm, no," he lied, even after all these years she could still make him flustered.

"Glad I have found you," JJ continued. "Can you try having another word with Henry? I have tried but feel I am banging my head against a brick wall. It's not that I have got anything against Grace, it's just it won't be a family Christmas without him here."

"JJ," Spencer sighed, knowing how hard she was finding her first Christmas without Henry.

"There is still time for him to get a flight home; he could be here for tomorrow morning I have checked, especially if he let Penelope book him in on the night flight."

Spencer shook his head.

JJ huffed and left, realising that he was not willing to support her on this one.

Getting up to follow her though to the lounge he tried to reason with JJ; "All I'm saying, JJ, is…it is perfectly natural for someone of his age to want to spend part of Christmas with his girlfriend," Spencer spoke in his common sense tone as he entered the room.

"Yeah, but we see so little of him now, and I bet you never spent part of your Christmas day with a girlfriend at his age," JJ's own voice replied.

"That would be because I didn't have a girlfriend at his age," Spencer countered. "However, it didn't mean I spent Christmas with Mom either, as I remember at that age I was on a case with the BAU…as were you."

"And as we know, I can't argue with that due to your eidetic memory," JJ teased as she flopped down on the couch.

Spencer leant over the back of the couch wrapping his arms around her, "Face it, JJ, your little boy is not a little boy anymore. Besides, I think you will be happy with his reason for wanting to spend time with Grace."

JJ spun around to face Spencer. "What do you know?"

"Oh no. Look, what Will told me is a surprise, and I'm not to say anything. I need to check that Helena has settled down, she was still reading when I last went past."

"Spencer, don't think you are saying that and then going to just walk away. You come back here now," she said to the retreating form before getting up quickly to follow.

As Spencer put a long finger up to his mouth to silence his wife, he cracked open the door of their teenage daughter's bedroom. They both stood there in silence, watching as Helena slept. It was obvious from the number of tissues and the red rings to her eyes that she had been crying. JJ's heart went out to her daughter, wishing she could make it all better.

"She's really taking the break up badly, isn't she?" JJ whispered.

Spencer nodded concern for his daughter obvious on his face.

"I sure know what I would like to do to Dale should I happen to bump into him," JJ near growled.

"I don't think it would be a good idea whatever it is," Spencer whispered as he pulled the door shut.

JJ sighed. What a Christmas this was turning out to be. Her son was AWOL, and her daughter was heart broken.

Spencer sensed her grief and pulled her close. "What's the matter?"

"I just wanted everything to be perfect," JJ muttered.

Spencer couldn't help but smile, "Don't you always? Every year you worry that it isn't perfect, but tell me of one Christmas that you have failed to make special, one that has a lack of fabulous memories? Each year is different, and each year just as special as we continue to grow and evolve as a family. I know you, JJ, tomorrow Helena will have a smile back on her face regardless of Dale Gregg's ridiculous timing. And by the time Henry rings, you will, too. Trust me."

JJ looked up at her genius and smiled, "Thank you."

. . .

It was hard to hear the phone ring over the laughter, but as soon as JJ realised she answered.

"Hi, Mom! Turn on the computer, I have something to show you," Henry's excited voice came over the receiver.

JJ did as instructed and was soon video linked to her smiling son with his girlfriend, Grace, sat beside him, equally as smiley.

"Soooo," JJ quizzed.

"So this," Henry answered holding up Grace's hand to show the diamond engagement ring on her left hand.

"Oh my God!" JJ squealed, as Helena pushed past to take a look at the cause of her mother's glee. Spencer sat back, satisfied that he had been right in the fact that both the women he loved in his life right now were once again smiling. After all he had ever wanted for Christmas was happiness.


End file.
